Another visit to the hospital…
It has been a while since I visited the readers of this blog with a discussion on sarcoidosis. As I have been in and out of the hospital lately I thought an update might be okay.
Recently I went through a myriad of tests only to find there was no diagnosis. Pain, accompanied by pain told me there was something wrong. I have been through this process so many times that my wife and I could not even count the number of hospitals I have been in. In this instance it only took a couple of days for one kidney stone and then another to appear. All the tests were completely negative. Three CT scans proved there was nothing there. The amount of blood discharged and ultimately the presence of the kidney stones indicates that there was something going on. Yet the symptoms of pain continues. The older I get, the longer I live with sarcoidosis I am becoming more and more convinced of certain thoughts. I will share some of these thoughts with you:
1. Sarcoidosis is a deviant condition. It does not follow normal destructive patterns. It forces the medical traditions to run the patient through multitudes of tests. It then remains as a ghost that has left an unforgettable path. A disease, a condition may ultimately be diagnosed but not until the masking done by sarcoidosis is finally scraped away.
2. Sarcoidosis uses psychological warfare on its victims. People within the medical community are often stymied by what is going on in the patient. The patient is often made to feel there is some nefarious behavior that is being kept secret and would reveal the source of why the patient came into the hospital. Now that may sound ridiculous, but, how many times has a person in the hospital with multiple symptoms been told, “take 2 aspirins, drink plenty of fluids and rest.” Anyone with sarcoidosis will tell you that aspirins don’t come close to dealing with the pain, while the juices are often too acidic creating other problems, and rest or good nights sleep is something that is written about in fairytales and myths.
3. I am beginning to believe that sarcoidosis is parasitical. In some way it needs some weakness or some illness to present itself. It then takes on that form to begin with. As it moves and grows it very quickly transforms itself by blending one, two or more weaker conditions in the body. I am beginning to believe that it has its roots in genetics. I’m would suggest if 100 people who have sarcoidosis were to be genetically tested that it is quite possible there would be similarities in the gene code. Just as there is a propensity within the gene code for strengths and weaknesses concerning the human condition I believe sarcoidosis would be discovered not as an independent identity but it would appear as its influence is blended with other independent identities. When this happens there would be a mutant effect. Hence,what ever is bothering the “sarcee” at at first may look and feels normal, It just doesn’t respond normally. Sarcoidosis ultimately creates a destructive pattern, does its damage until somehow it is checked and stopped by either some form of medication or because as it enters other ports in the human body and does not blend with factors arising from the genetic code.
4. Sarcoidosis reminds me of a test I had in school. The instructor told us to read the entire test and then answer the questions as you have been instructed. The time given to complete the test was shorter than normal. Every student started with the first question and didn’t stop until time ran out. We all signed the test papers and passed them forward to the teacher. The teacher then read the last question in the test to us. Do not answer any question. Sign your paper and turn it in. The teacher said it is important to learn how to follow instructions in life. Every student in the class failed the test. Class was then dismissed. Somehow today I feel the same way I felt that day. I have addressed a lot of questions. Attempted to answer those questions, but life is still the same. Way back then as a student I felt betrayed by something inside of me. Over all the years, after thousands of tests and diagnoses sarcoidosis is like what was going on inside of me then. It is the voice saying hurry up, time is short.
5. If I have learned anything from sarcoidosis it has taught me that there is a sense of inevitability in life. Sarcoidosis has not gone away and just when I feel like it has it rears its ugly head again in some strange anomaly. I have learned that I cannot allow the interruptions to control me. I have learned that I cannot allow the voices of negativity and urgency to control me. I have learned that I need to understand the instructions, live by those instructions, and benefit from that process.
May God bless you as you are BEING Coached by Grace.